Re-Engage Message Series

Re-Engage: Keys to be a Better Marriage

Part 5 – How To Improve Your Marriage
(Various Scriptures)

February 11, 2024
Dr. Mark S. Hartman, Lead Pastor

1.​ DEVELOP AN ATTITUDE THAT YOUR MARRIAGE WILL LAST.

A.​ Focus on the stage of Awakening.

1.​This is when you realize you can’t change your mate, but you can change yourself.
2.​Healing begins to happen when you choose to truly appreciate the strengths of each other and when you choose to accept the personality and opinions of the one you married. You stop trying to change or control each other. (We are not talking about sinful behavior.)
3.​(University of Chicago Sociologist, Linda Waite – 2002 study of 10,000 couples) https://firstthings.org/does-divorce-lead-to-happiness/

B.​ Keep growing.

1.​Philippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (New Living Translation)
2.​Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. God has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. (New Living Translation)

C. ​Stay in church.

1. The Human Flourishing Project (2017) demonstrated that those who attend church weekly live 10-15 years longer, have better health, have better social relationships and better marriages. Those who attend church weekly have a 30% – 50% lower divorce rate than those who don’t. (Human Flourishing Project, – research human flourishing program.)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5665144/

http://www.iq.harvard.edu

2.​The more you are in the Word of God and obeying the Word of God and being around others who are doing the same, the more likely it is that you will be loving, forgiving, trusting God to help you, and growing.

2.​ CULTIVATE THE HABIT OF SERVING EACH OTHER.

A.​ Philippians 2:3-8 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. [4] Look not every man (just) on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. [5] Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: [6] Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: [7] But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: [8] And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

B.​ The leader of a family that serves each other is the husband.

1.​ Matthew 20:25-28 Jesus called His disciples together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for any.”

2.​ Leader means “chief servant.”

3. ​MAKE HONORING EACH OTHER A MAJOR PRIORITY.

A.​ Romans 12:10 Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.

B. ​“The Five Love Languages” (Gary Chapman)

1.​ Words of Affirmation

2.​ Quality Time

3.​ Receiving Gifts

4.​ Acts of Service

5.​ Physical Touch

4. ​KEEP TALKING AND LISTENING TO EACH OTHER.

A.​Philippians 2:2 Live together in harmony and love as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you.

B.​“Without exception, in more than twenty years and from more than 300,000 people, the answer has come through loud and clear, “We need better communication.” (Gary Smalley, Making Love Last Forever)

C.​Five Levels of Communication (Gary Smalley)

Level 1 – Clichés

Level 2 – We give facts

Level 3 – We state opinions

Level 4 – We say how we are feeling

Level 5 – We reveal our needs

5.​ COME BACK TO BEING GOD DIRECTED.

A.​ Isaiah 30:15 This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest (in God) is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,”

B.​ Wherever you are in your marriage, come back to God through repentance.

C.​ Rest in God for His power to restore the relationship with your mate.

D.​ Calm down, get quiet, stop defending yourself and stop complaining.

E.​ Start trusting God to show you what to do and when to do it.

“God, whatever you show me to do for her/him, I will do it. Not just once but day after day after day, whatever you show me to do, I will do it.”

 

  1.